The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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