i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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