dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
