I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
