I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
