we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
this is an emotional support booty call
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
