he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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