did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Randomize
