Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
