Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
