It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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