put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
foreskin is a definite game changer
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
