You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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