I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
