I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
