She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
