go do what you do best...puke behind churches
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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