my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
