I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
they call him Oral-B. enough said
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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