what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
