The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
