Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
