K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Randomize
