You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Randomize
