So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
