she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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