the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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