it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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