Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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