Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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