How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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