i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
