I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
