A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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