i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
