What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
