get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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