Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
