Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
