there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They have beer where we have blood.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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