first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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