My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he fucked my hip out of place.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
