I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
