I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
