you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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