You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
