Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
