She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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