I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
honey bunches of taint.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
