which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
