We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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