You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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