sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
