She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
